19 Easy Ways to be Patient With Yourself

Confession: I’m a little hard on myself…

I have always held myself to a high standard and expected a lot from myself. And I’m willing to bet that you do something similar since you’re reading this post. Being patient with yourself can be a serious challenge in a world where success is the end goal.

By the end of this post, you’ll learn exactly how to be more patient with yourself by picking just one or two of the tips below and implementing them one at a time. I really believe your self-compassion will grow!

Let’s get to it!

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Tips to be More Patient with Yourself

1. Energy Naturally Goes Up and Down- Be Aware of That

It’s super important to understand this about human nature and about yourself personally.

Your energy level rises and falls depending on the hour of the day, time of the week or month, and even season!

Bring awareness, and remind yourself of the fact that it’s normal to be lacking energy sometimes. This way, when you’re completely out of motivation to work on that thing, you can have a bit more compassion for yourself.

Maybe you save that project for another time when your energy is turned back up.

2. Work on Your Breath

When you catch yourself being hard on yourself for something like waking up late and being late to work, focus on your breathing (#20 in the list).

In times of rushing and hurriedness, I like to consciously slow my breathing down.

Try this: Inhale for 4 counts (noticing the cold air in your nostrils), then exhale for 6 counts (feeling the warm air come out of your mouth). Repeat until you feel a bit more calm.

Focusing on your breathing helps you move your thoughts away from talking negatively to yourself or being harsh with yourself, and toward a little more understanding and patience.

3. Set Break Times for Flexibility

I notice I’m often super impatient with myself when my day doesn’t go the way I planned it.

It can be really helpful to intentionally and purposely schedule flex time in your schedule to allow for changes. This buffer is very comforting!

When you have small blocks of time, it’s easier to be patient with yourself if things take a bit longer than you planned, since you’ve allotted for a little white space on your calendar.

4. Focus on Progress Instead of Perfection

This is one of my favorite tips because it gives you permission to not be perfect!

Get perfection out of your head! As my girl, Jenna Kutcher always says, “Done is better than perfect.” And “Imperfect action is better than no action!”

It’s freeing, and a lot easier to be patient with yourself if you already have it in your head that perfection is off the table. It’s not attainable. 

The book The Four Agreements discusses how doing our best is literally and absolutely the ONLY thing we can do!

Once you shed the need to strive for perfection, you can focus on small, daily progress. And being patient with yourself becomes a heck of a lot easier when you’re focusing on small baby steps that are totally doable!

5. Chart Your Progress

I’m a huge fan of keeping track of my progress toward something.

I’ve set quarterly goals for my business for the past 2 years. Every 3 months, I look at the data to check my progress toward my goals. 

Some quarters I accomplish my goal with flying colors, other quarters, I really miss the mark. And in that case, I reassess and adjust. Either way, I am in the know about how I’m moving along.

Tracking your progress toward whatever it is you’re working on can actually help you develop patience for yourself by helping you see that you are making slow movement forward!

6. Practice Gratitude and Celebrate Small Wins

Both of these things will help you to simply be kinder to yourself. And showing kindness to yourself will lead to more compassion and more patience.

I practice gratitude by writing in a gratitude journal every evening. I jot down a few things from that specific day that I’m grateful for. Even if I had a crappy day, this daily ritual helps me shift my perspective and focus on the better things from that day.

Celebrating small wins is fun, too, because you get to show appreciation for yourself when you normally wouldn’t. When was the last time you felt proud of yourself?!

It’s a good, healthy feeling that you probably don’t allow yourself to feel as often as you should.

7. Engage in Positive Self-Talk

You know what this is. This is just talking kindly to yourself in your head.

I believe this is one of the most powerful ways to increase patience for yourself because our inner dialog has a big impact on our mental health.

Along with self-talk comes self-love and compassion. One of my favorite ways to lean into these concepts is to use affirmations.

This is nothing new. But posting powerful affirmations on your mirror, setting one as your phone background, or following a few affirmation and quote accounts on Instagram can be so influential for our headspace.

I’ve participated in exercises that challenge me to whisper an affirmation to myself out loud. It’s striking how powerful this can be. Try it!

Whisper to yourself something like: I can conquer today or I am strong and able or I am proud of myself.

8. Gain Perspective- Zoom Out on Life

Something I love to think about is that I am doing life for the first time. It’s my first time being a 26-year-old girl, navigating my job and my personal life, and my dreams.

I’ve never done this before! I’ve never done life before, so why do I think I have to have it all figured out?

This lens helps me to zoom out a bit and realize that I’m totally allowed to make mistakes, change my mind, and turn around to try something else.

Maybe you put a lot of pressure on yourself to have your career figured out. I want you to use this philosophy of doing life for the first time to remind yourself to be patient about your career path.

9. Redefine Success

Success looked different pre-Covid. Success looked different when you first graduated. It also looked different before you learned what you know now.

It’s 100% OKAY to have days and a life that looks different than it used to.

This is where you likely become very impatient with yourself. You think that life should be or look a certain way, and when it’s not, you get frustrated.

Maybe success today for you looks like simply getting out of bed and putting a fresh pair of sweats on.

If you’re always holding yourself to an outdated version of success, you’ll always fall short. Readjust the meaning of success so it reflects where you’re at in life NOW.

Go ahead, open a note on your phone and write one sentence- What does success look like today for you?

Doing that will allow a lot more patience to authentically flow.

10. Notice your Obstacles and Why you Procrastinate

How can you have empathy and patience for yourself when you haven’t identified your obstacles?

We all procrastinate. I actually procrastinated writing this very post. Dig a little deeper into why you are procrastinating on a given task. Is it fear of the unknown or fear of failure? Say your reason out loud. Name it.

Once you understand the reason why, you can have more empathy and patience for yourself as you work through that.

BONUS: A 3-page worksheet with prompts to help you process when things don’t go your way or you’ve met an obstacle.

Be sure to grab this sweet little guide for working through the times in life that are just plain hard.

Be sure to check your junk or promotional folder in your email for the guide.

11. Limit Stress

When your life is filled with a frenzy of cluttered tasks and responsibilities and extra worries, it feels like there’s no time to be patient with yourself.

It feels like your life is too demanding to take care of your own mental wellbeing. I know, I’ve been there.

So, I’ll tell you something you won’t want to hear, or you’ll think is not doable. Shed the things you can that are weighing on you.

Maybe that means journaling and doing a thought dump to get all your random stresses and thoughts down on paper. Once they’re there, you can safely stop thinking about them since they’re recorded for you to address later.

Or maybe you limit stress by setting boundaries and not saying yes to every opportunity.

When your headspace is less chock full of stressful items, you have the capacity to be more gentle with yourself.

12. Walk Away to Gain Clarity and Space

This tip can solve so many things, honestly! But it’s especially helpful for increasing your ability to be patient with yourself.

Creating space helps you to gain perspective on a situation. It also clears your mind to allow for more creativity, critical thinking, and growth.

Maybe you go for a 10-minute walk around the block, crack open a book, do a quick yoga flow, or follow a guided meditation. Don’t create space in a way you think sounds good, create space by engaging in an activity that has meaning to YOU!

13. Don’t Multitask

It’s been proven in many ways that multitasking is not productive. End of story.

When we multitask, we try to split our brain’s ability to produce. That’s a recipe for stress if you ask me.

You’ll be much more patient with yourself if you’re not overworked and stressed. Slowing down like this can actually help you recenter and align your priorities so you can grow!

14. Know Your Triggers for Frustration

If you’re aware of what sets you down the path of frustration, you can be mindful to avoid it or prepare for it!

Maybe you can’t always steer clear, but you can do things to prep for it so it doesn’t send you into a negative spiral.

Self-awareness is a huge part of growth and gaining patience in your everyday life. When you’re prepared, you have an idea of what to expect, and will be more understanding and patient with yourself no matter the outcome.

15. It’s Okay to Feel Burnt Out, But…

Let’s move through it.

In this world, it’s kind of a common experience to feel burnt out. I’m not saying it’s good and okay. But I want you to know you’re not alone in it.

I want you to move past the burnout into a state where you’re ready to move through it. Navigate it. Eventually, move past it.

And working more isn’t the way to go. Period. Scale back in ways that are doable. Have patience with yourself when you have a tendency to allow burnout, but work toward scaling back.

Say no to things, protect your time and energy, and reevaluate if what you’re doing makes you happy.

16. Notice the Spiral of Negative Thoughts and Stop it Right Away

Your patience for yourself will increase as you get better and better at putting a stop to negative thinking.

I do this thing where I have one negative or stressful thought, and I let it lead to another and another until I’m majorly spiraling into a place that’s super hard to recover from. My mood ends up being affected afterward.

As soon as you feel the spiral coming, stop the conversation, stop the stream of thoughts. Shift your focus to something else.

You can also try challenging the thoughts. Ask yourself if they’re even true in the first place.

And remember to be understanding and gentle with yourself when you slip up and allow the spiral to happen. Just gently redirect your attention after it happens.

17. Make the Most of When Things Don’t go to Plan

It’s going to happen. Nothing in life really goes according to plan, am I right?!

But you CAN make the best of a non-ideal situation. Consider what you can take away from the situation anyway.

When I didn’t get into grad school, I was crushed but tried to make the most of it by thinking about what else I could do with the time I gained. How else could I explore my interests and get a better handle on my career path prospects?

18. Be Patient with Others

What? I thought this was a post about being patient with yourself. Well, practicing being patient with those around you makes for wonderful experience!

Notice the language you use with others. What tone of voice do you use? What about your body language? I’d bet it’s all very empathetic and compassionate. You’re probably being very gentle with your loved one.

Can you take cues from this and apply them the next time you need to be patient with yourself?

19. Practice It- Be Gentle When You Slip Up

This is like patience inception. I’m giving you all these tips to be more patient with yourself. But I also want you to be patient with yourself when you slip up and aren’t patient in all the above situations.

Don’t beat yourself up for being hard on yourself. That’s a double whammy.

If you’ve unintentionally or out of habit been hard on yourself, it’s okay. Just remind yourself that you’re trying your best!

What Does Being Patient with Yourself Mean

Plain and simple, being patient with yourself is about being gentle with yourself in all ways. When you mess up, when you fall short, when you don’t meet that goal, when you break down.

Karen Salmansohn has a quote, “Nothing in nature blooms all year. Be patient with yourself.”

The concept of having patience for yourself is about understanding that you aren’t always going to make the cut and THAT is okay!

It’s a gift because knowing you won’t always measure up or you won’t always accomplish that thing is comforting. Perfection isn’t the goal. Progress is.

Why is it Important to be Patient with Yourself?

Benefits of patience with yourself:

• Increased creativity
• Better critical thinking skills
• More joy
• Better mood
• Healthier mental state

We Limit Ourselves When We Don’t Believe in Ourselves

When you’re impatient with yourself, you’re telling yourself you’re not worthy of extra time and attention.

Do you believe that? I don’t! I like to believe I’m totally worthy of extra time and attention. And I think you are too!

Impatience = lack of belief

Lack of belief = limitation of what you can do

That’s why it’s so important to cultivate patience for yourself. You don’t want to limit what you can do!

More Compassion Leads to Better Mood and Progress

When you’re not scared of your own wrath, you’re free to try things and make mistakes!

If you know you aren’t going to beat yourself up for falling short or messing up, you feel okay taking a leap of faith. You’re more apt to go out on a limb. And THAT’S where progress happens.

You’ll feel so much better when you allow yourself to test out and try without worrying about “failing.”

Impatience Can Block Healing

You’re trying to heal from something likely. Or at the minimum, grow. When you’re hard on yourself and beat yourself up for not measuring up, you are limiting your healing.

The inner dialog that comes with impatience is not a kind one. When you’re saying things to yourself like:

• I’m so stupid, I can’t believe I …
• I should have done xyz instead.
• I knew I wouldn’t finish xyz.
• Of course this happened to me.
• Just my luck that xyz…
• I never should have tried xyz in the first place.

… you’re reinforcing that you’re not good enough. And that’s not true. You’re blocking the healing you could be doing by talking to yourself this way and believing those things.

Working Through Anything Takes Time, It’s Not Overnight

Just a reminder that working yourself out of being hard on yourself will take time.

Learning to be patient with yourself is a process. It’s something you have to work into your everyday thinking and self-talk.

The goal is to be just a little more kind and gentle with yourself every day.

Progress is Not a Straight Line

I get caught up in this thinking all too often. Once I make progress, I’m thrilled, but as soon as things start to take a turn, I freak out and lose all hope.

I have to remind myself that progress is not a straight line.

You’ll make progress, and then take a few steps back, then make more progress, and then take even more steps backward or sideways. That’s normal!

Patience is a Virtue

Having patience with yourself means you are comfortable waiting calmly for growth.

And a really big perk of learning to be patient with yourself is that it leads to more patience for others.

Honestly, I could use a little more patience with some people… You too?

It goes both ways. It’s helpful to be intentionally patient with others to practice what it feels like for yourself. And it’s helpful to be patient with yourself to encourage you to do the same for others.

Guiding Others to be Patient With Us

So let’s say that you are starting to implement the tips above and you’re beginning to give yourself more patience than you have in the past.

How do you keep that ball rolling if others are impatient with you?

Set Boundaries with Others

Set boundaries with those around you. This means your boss, your bestie, and your fam.

Let them know it’s not okay to treat you in a harsh or rushed way. You can communicate that clearly and kindly.

If your boss is rushing you to get something in, you can absolutely set a boundary and say something like:

“I’m doing my absolute best to get this project finished, but if I can be candid with you, when I feel rushed or like I’m being watched over, I don’t do my best work. I’d like to just put my head down and finish this without interruption. Does that sound reasonable?”

FAQ

Why is Patience Important to Success?

Progress is impeded by negativity. And to have success you need progress, right?

When you’re constantly not believing in yourself and being too hard on yourself, progress becomes very difficult.

You need to have patience not only with yourself but also with external circumstances to work toward success. And success can look like anything you want!

Maybe you want to be a CEO, maybe you want to be a stay-at-home mom, travel Europe, or invent a new ice cream flavor. Success to you looks different than it does to me.

But one common factor to work toward success is to work on improving and increasing your patience!

How do you Develop Patience and Self-Control?

Self-control and patience actually can go hand in hand. Both require discipline.

And you can develop and work on the discipline you have for yourself in small steps. My best tip for gaining discipline so you can effectively show yourself patience and practice self-control is to start by building tiny habits.

Tiny habits that you can commit to doing daily will help enforce self-discipline. Start with something easy that you like to do. 

Maybe you commit to reading for 5 minutes before bed every night. If you look forward to reading, this will be a simple and easy addition to your day that will show you that you’re capable of being disciplined.

Once you have a taste for self-discipline (it feels really good to successfully stick to something!), you can graduate to disciplining yourself in other ways.

Maybe you want to have more self-control when it comes to eating healthier. You could try to discipline yourself to make a batch of one healthy snack once a week.

If you slip up and don’t make something healthy for the week to snack on, remember to be patient with yourself! That’s the whole point of this post.

Gently remind yourself what you’re working for and start fresh. Talk kindly to yourself and say something like: 

Yes, I didn’t stick to making my healthy snack, and that’s okay that I forgot/didn’t feel like it, but I will try again tomorrow.

How Can You Show Patience in Your Daily Life?

This is the goal right? To be patient with yourself every day is what we want! But how?

It comes back to that discipline and self-control plus gentle reminders to yourself.

Some therapists recommend you place a picture of your younger self on your mirror so you remember to be kinder to yourself.

If you’re being harsh to yourself, it means your being harsh to that little girl in the picture!

This is a simple, helpful action step that will remind you daily to be patient with yourself.

Let’s Bring it Home

I want you to take one, just ONE tip from the list above to start implementing into your life.

Don’t try to implement them all. Just focus on one. Then when you have that one down pat, add another, and so on.

You’re now armed with helpful tips that will allow you to be less hard on yourself and more patient with yourself. I know you’ll love yourself for the extra patience you learn to gift yourself with!

Related Reading:

Here’s My Exact Guide to Using Self-Talk to Gain Confidence

Stop Wondering How to Prioritize You: The What, Why, and How of Self-Love

7 Ways to Manage Expectations and Avoid Disappointment

Exactly What to do When You’re Feeling Behind in Life

20 Tips to Have a Better Relationship with Yourself

Comment below to share your thoughts, experience, and tips of your own!