Exactly What to do When You’re Feeling Behind in Life

He got into that really strict program. She just bought a house. They just had a baby. She just got her master’s degree and landed a dream job. He has how much saved up?! She’s investing in stocks and killing it. They renovated a van and toured the country on a 2-month road trip.

They’re all ahead of me. And they’re where I want to be. Okay, pause right there. That’s how I used to think, and it left me feeling behind in life.

If you’ve felt this way, keep reading. This post will help you feel grateful because it will teach you how to support and celebrate others’ accomplishments even when they seem to be ahead of you which will allow you to appreciate your own journey.

This post may contain affiliate links which means I’ll receive a commission if you purchase through my links, at no extra cost to you. Please read full disclosure for more information.

We Are All on Different Timelines

Okay, first things first, when you’re feeling behind in life, you need to recognize this very important thing: there is no such thing as behind.

(Note: I do want to validate your feelings here though. Because it does very well feel like there is such a thing as being behind, but that’s just you getting caught up in comparison.)

There would only be such a thing as “behind in life” if there was one grand timeline where everyone was racing toward the same finish line.

But every person is not aiming for the same things in life. Some strive to be teachers, some to invest in real estate, some to become a parent, some to travel.

Each of those people has different goals and so their destinations in life are wildly different. Sure she might be “ahead” of you in terms of how many places she’s traveled to. But is traveling the thing you’re focusing on in your life? Probably not, yet you’re using her finish line to gauge your progress.

| Related: I created an action plan worksheet so you can clearly map out your goals.

So since your timeline for your life is your own, when you feel behind, it’s simply you’re losing sight of your path and destination and trying to fit your life onto someone else’s timeline.

| Related Reading: 34 Best Books on Finding Your Passion so You Can Live Out Your Purpose in Life

It’s super helpful to put your head down and mind your own business when it comes to your tendencies to compare your progress to others.

Her timeline is filled with effort and time spent, hours of pushing toward her goals to get closer to her destination (what she wants out of life), but you don’t see that. You only see her announcement on Instagram that she achieved something big on her timeline.

So friend, stop using her timeline to judge your progress.

Of course, you’ll feel behind in life if you focus on the accomplishments of others and not your own. Start focusing more on your progress and accomplishments. Begin to picture the best version of yourself, and start showing up for her.

Do your best to focus on your path, your goals, and your journey as its own entity, not to be compared to, judged against, or pursued alongside of anyone else. This will help you to feel grateful for how far you’ve come and help you stop feeling behind in life.

Check out this meaningful life toolkit for tangible practices to work toward mindfulness, all rooted in positive psychology.

What to do When it Feels Like Others are Ahead and You’re Behind

Even though I just told you why there’s no such thing as behind, I understand the feeling. So I want to chat about two things you can do to alleviate that feeling.

Support Those That Seem Ahead of You

… And most importantly, the way to escape feeling behind in life is to do the exact opposite of what you do now. Instead of feeling envious, jealous, or mad, try to support them when they achieve big things.

How?

• When she’s in the process of applying for grad school, let her know she can lean on you for support, questions, or worries.

• Send out a text that lets him know you’re thinking of him as he takes that assessment.

• Remind her that while you can’t relate from direct experience, you can still listen as she may struggle through her journey of buying a home or losing a pet.

• Support them in the process by just reminding them that you’re there and backing them! Even if you want the same thing. Her getting that thing is not you losing that thing.
• One of my favorite ways to support others is to send a sweet little note in the mail written on a simple blank card. Old-fashioned, yes. Incredibly meaningful, also YES!

When you make the conscious decision to support those around you, they feel the backing to reach higher and higher. And they in turn will be more likely to support others, including you!

Now this will not happen overnight. As a society, we’ve perpetuated the dog-eat-dog culture so much. You supporting others in their journey will start to break down that competitive nature we are so familiar with.

One Step Further: Go from Supporting Others to Celebrating Others

Beyond supporting others who seem to be ahead of you in life, you even celebrate with them when they achieve something (especially something you want).

How?

• Shoot him a text congratulating him or comment on his Insta posts with genuine excitement.

• Next time you bump into her, ask questions about the new job she got. Share that you recognize the hard work it took and admire her for doing it.

• Talk highly of him and his accomplishment when he’s not around.
• Send a congratulations box to their door.

And remember to celebrate others as genuinely as possible.

It’s possible for you to be excited for them in a way that’s totally separate from your desire to have that thing. Keep those two things separate and you’ll find it easier to be genuinely excited for them.

Know that this will take practice, but the more you support others, the more real and easy it will be.

Do a Social Media Audit

You can alleviate feeling behind in life by bringing awareness to social media’s role.

It’s no secret that beautifully curated accounts can stir up some discontentment and a longing to get ahead to where she’s at. Sometimes, it can be healthy for your mindset to remove the things that cause you to feel behind. If that means unfollowing a few influencers, then so be it.

Now, this isn’t my favorite strategy because I believe that supporting and celebrating is the healthier route to choose.

But if you are in a place where you cannot genuinely support and celebrate, then maybe consider muting or unfollowing a few accounts that cause you to feel behind.

You can always go back and unmute or follow them again once you’ve worked within yourself a bit and grown your ability to celebrate the wins of others.

What Does Supporting and Celebrating Others do for Your Own Perspective?

This magical thing happens when people support others and the support is mutual. Life becomes less about competition and getting ahead and more about living fully in an atmosphere that encourages growth.

I know that celebrating the success of others may not come totally naturally, and may seem unnecessary. But celebrating and genuinely congratulating someone who is achieving things you want for your life will help you feel less behind and envious.

You’ll be focusing on the positive in their life instead of the “negative” in yours. It feels good to be happy for others and brings you to an abundance state of mind instead of a scarcity mindset.

Supporting and celebrating others when they achieve something you want or when they make you feel like you’re behind in life shifts your perspective to a more content one, believe it or not.

When you support and celebrate them, you may come to realize that in fact, they’re working toward something totally different than you, and that “behind” feeling is irrelevant since they’re on a completely different journey than you, they started at a different time, and have different supports and obstacles.

You might also start to feel more grateful for where you’re at in your own journey. Once you make that mindset shift and start supporting and celebrating others, your perspective is one of abundance.

When you operate from this view and see the world through an abundance lens, you’re more grateful and appreciative of your own progress and accomplishments.

You stop seeing the world as a race or competition and start seeing it as a place where all progress is good, and her progress is independent of yours.

When you view her progress in life as separate from yours, you can truly be grateful for every little accomplishment you make. When you’re grateful, you’re content, and not looking at how far along others are.

Where you used to feel bitter when you felt behind in life, you can now support and celebrate those around you and work toward contentment and gratitude for your own life.

Let’s Bring it Home

Isn’t it crazy that supporting others who have what you want can actually lead you to be more grateful for what you have?!

In a world that’s so social media-focused, it’s so easy to fall into the thinking that you’re behind in life, everyone else is ahead, and that everyone else is getting what you want.

But now you’ve learned how to support and celebrate others’ accomplishments even when they seem to be ahead, and that will help you appreciate your own journey.

Related reading:

19 Easy Ways to be More Patient With Yourself