The #1 Method You Need Right Now to Gain Perspective

Was I hearing this right?! She has a problem with me and thinks I was rude to her? There’s got to be a mistake because I couldn’t possibly think of what I did that upset her this way- I literally had no clue. I felt some type of way about this situation in my life, but I could not for the life of me wrap my head around what I was feeling.  I needed to gain perspective for sure.

Was I annoyed at her, did I feel bad for something I may or may not have done, was I sorry for her, was I mad she was talking about me behind my back, was I hurt?

I’m sure you’ve been in a similar circumstance where you can’t make sense of your feelings and emotions, where you feel some type of way but can’t put a finger on it or gain perspective to move on.

I want to help you take those abstract emotions and turn them into concrete ones! In this post, you’ll learn how to gain perspective on emotions with purpose by using my simple 3-step method!

Step Away to Gain Perspective

First, in this 3-step method is to step away. Create some physical and mental space between you and the situation as soon as you can.

As humans, we tend to ruminate on our thoughts and just roll them around in our minds until we bog ourselves down and confuse ourselves even more.

The first step to gain perspective when your emotions are making you feel some type of way is to simply walk away. Remove yourself from the people involved, the environment, and the headspace you’re in.

Stepping away allows clarity to trickle in slowly because you’re giving your mind the room it needs to start working through what’s causing your confusion.

Oftentimes, a drive or a walk can help with this step. From my story in the beginning, I hopped in my car and kept the radio off. I just drove and didn’t put pressure on myself to sort out my thoughts.

The key here is to NOT try to figure everything out in this time away. That comes later. Stepping away is for the sole purpose of space and clarity. How can you work through things in the next steps if your mind is jumbled up with half-constructed ideas and negative emotion to boot?

Use this time away, however long you need, to quiet your mind and cool off, especially if your initial reaction is anger. Cooling off is important when you want to gain perspective.

Write it Out to Gain Perspective

Once you’ve stepped away and cooled off, it’s time to address the real question: “What am I feeling?” or maybe, “Why am I feeling so emotional?” or even, “Why do I feel this way?” Your goal here is to start putting words to what you’re feeling to address why you’re feeling “some type of way” about your circumstances.

Writing your thoughts down is step 2 in my 3-step method to gain perspective of your complex, even chaotic emotions.

My favorite way to write it out (journal, if you will) is by doing a thought dump. A thought dump is the practice of writing down everything running through your mind at a given time.

I’m a huge fan of thought dumps because, as organized as I am, there’s something invigorating yet cathartic about just getting every messy, unfinished thought you have down on paper in whatever order it comes out.

Journaling in Practice

I did a huge thought dump in an email draft right after I found out my honeymoon was canceled. At first, I didn’t know if I was angry at the world for Covid, disappointed our planning went by the wayside, or discouraged that we couldn’t go away for a while. My thought dump helped me realize the main reason I was so upset was that I was concerned about the financial side of a canceled vacation. From there, I was able to address the main issue directly and promptly instead of haphazardly grasping for multiple ill-constructed solutions to all the other less significant thoughts I had.

It’s almost easier to give yourself permission to let go of unhelpful, maladaptive thoughts once they’re written down.

Once you have your scrambled ideas written out, you’ll likely feel a whole lot lighter!

The process of journaling allows your mind to put tangible, practical concepts to the abstract ideas in your head. Journaling can help you gain perspective because you can pick and choose from the ideas you jotted down that best represent your emotions and feelings, and discard the rest or table them for later.

Write your thoughts in any format that feels good and constructive to you. If you like bullet points, headings, and organized lists, go for it! I LOVE organization, but for some reason, a thought dump just hits differently!

Last note on this one, then we’ll move on: sometimes handwriting takes a long time, and your thoughts might flow faster than your hand moves. Try typing your thoughts, or even opening up a voice memo on your phone.

Talk it Out to Gain Perspective

Hopefully, after landing on a few specific thoughts and emotions you are confident you’re feeling, the next step to gain perspective is to talk to someone you trust. Talking out your feelings will transition your specific thoughts to definitive emotions and as a result, you’ll be able to gain perspective!

So in step 3 of my method, seek out someone in your life who has proven to be positive and uplifting in the past. This person is to be a support to you, not necessarily a source of advice.

There are 2 benefits/parts of talking your feelings out:

1. Verbalizing your thoughts has a similar benefit as writing them down. Your emotions will continue to materialize and become concrete as you put more and more words to them. For this part, you only need a sounding board- someone to listen intently, but not offer their own opinion.
2. When you involve someone else at this stage of my method, you grant yourself a little check-in. The person listening can ensure that you’ve moved through your thoughts appropriately for the situation and developed solid and healthy emotions surrounding the circumstance. We all know that our judgment can be clouded by negative thinking, so this little check-in with an external party can be validating and helpful!

Let’s Bring it Home

When emotions send you into a cloud of confusion and you can’t seem to think clearly, implement my 3-step method to gain perspective and move forward.

There is such value in understanding what you feel and why you feel that way about the tough stuff in life. When you gain clarity on your feelings, you’re better able to logically and appropriately tackle, solve, fix, accept, forgive, or resolve what life is throwing at you. So next time you feel some type of way about something, step away, write down your thoughts, and talk about it with a trusted friend. I’m confident using this method will allow you to gain perspective on even the craziest whirlwind of emotions.

Now, I’d love for you to share this with someone who needs it, or even that trusted loved one you’ll likely talk to in the future when you use this method (and that will clue them in PLUS keep you accountable). Go ahead, share the wealth!