A Guide for How to Mind Your Own Business: How it Helps you Grow

Commercial break? Check Instagram. She snubbed me today? She must be mad at me for skipping her party.

Ever been trapped in a cycle of being totally wrapped up in what others are doing and what they think of you?

That’s kinda what our culture is all about. Being in everyone’s business because we see it all on social media and caring way too much about what they think of us.

The cure for this, for freeing yourself of this burden is harsh but simple. It’s… minding your own business.

If you’re wondering how to mind your own business, I’ve gotcha covered with literally every tip and trick possible.

By the end of this post, you’ll learn how to actually mind your own business which will allow you to make great strides in your personal life because you won’t be so consumed with others.

This post may contain affiliate links which means I’ll receive a commission if you purchase through my links, at no extra cost to you. Please read full disclosure for more information.

How to Mind Your Own Business

Stay Out of Other People’s Business

This tip is majorly obvious, but it’s the HOW that’s important.

It’s important you take note of your tendencies and desire to interfere and squash them. Notice your behaviors and redirect your attention so you don’t interfere where it’s not necessary.

Don’t Butt in or Offer Unsolicited Advice

That’s the worst kind of advice! Nobody needs you chiming in where your opinion is not needed.

Don’t Judge Others from Afar

Staying out of someone’s business means not interjecting, but also keeping your thoughts in check. 

Resist the urge to form negative opinions about others and their situations, especially when it doesn’t concern you at all.

It’s possible to support someone without getting involved in the details.

| Related Reading: How to Be a Good Friend When They’re Hurting: What to Say and How to Act

Mind YOUR Business by Taking Responsibility for your Thoughts

You’re always going to have thoughts about what’s going on in someone else’s life. But not all those thoughts are true!

Be aware of the thoughts and opinions you’re forming about other people’s lives and challenge them. Are these thoughts helpful and productive?

Honestly, they’re usually not.

Minding your own business looks like this: 

She said she couldn’t hang out because she was feeling crappy, yet I see on socials that she’s out with a group of friends. 

You resist the urge to dwell on the fact that you think she lied to you. You focus on how nice it was that her friends must have picked her up and taken her out to get her mind off things.

| Related Reading: 7 Ways to Manage Expectations and Avoid Disappointment

Ask Yourself if an Issue Actually Concerns You

Oftentimes, you don’t need to be involved, even if you think you should be or want to be.

That disagreement between coworkers is between them, and just because you’re a friend, doesn’t mean this issue calls for your involvement.

Respect Boundaries

Okay so maybe the situation did call for you to get involved. But you need to understand when it’s time to respect boundaries and step back.

Maybe your husband and his mom are having a disagreement about hosting the next holiday. You mentioned you’d like to host, but she’s pushing back since she has hosted in the past 5 years.

On some level, it may be appropriate for you to share that you’d love to host, but are totally open to spending it at her house. 

But at the end of the day, if she started this situation with your husband and not you, let the two of them work the rest of it out. 

Respect the relationship they have and don’t muddy the waters. Allow them to practice clear and healthy communication.

Check out this article about setting and respecting boundaries if you want to dig further into this.

Be Aware of Cues from Others that it’s Time to Step Back

Notice the words, body language, and other signs that those involved are ready for you to exit the scene.

When they ignore you, show frustration at your presence, don’t value your input or disregard you, it’s probably time to take a back seat.

Assess the Risk Involved in Getting Involved

It might just be worth your while to sit it out and not involve yourself in the latest drama, disagreement, or circumstance.

In the interest of preserving and protecting relationships, sometimes it’s better to sit on the sidelines of a hot issue.

Don’t Gossip

If you’re wondering how to mind your own business, this is a seriously wonderful starting point.

You can avoid getting involved in other people’s lives by simply not talking about them and their circumstances.

It can sometimes start off innocent. “Rachel’s story made it seem like they’re not together anymore.”

But it can turn hurtful. “He’s too good for her anyway. I wonder what she did to make him leave.”

How Do you Avoid Gossiping?

• Avoid it at all costs. Don’t spend time around those who gossip.
• Change the subject when you can (organically and naturally if you want to keep the peace).
• Stop the cycle of rumors by choosing to challenge them. “I’m not going to try to pick holes in her story to see if she was lying or not.”
• Stop yourself mid-gossip. “Yeah, she did xyz, can you believe it? You know what, actually, it’s not right for me to be commenting on this at all. It’s not my place.”
• Make an effort to share uplifting thoughts and make healthy, positive conversation.
  • “I heard on the radio that when a girl lost a tooth on an overnight flight, the pilot wrote a note for her to give to the tooth fairy so she could still put her tooth under her pillow at home.”
• Be an example! Resist all the gossip you can. Actively don’t contribute.

Accept Others as They Are

You’re pretty amazing, buuut… you can’t change people. 

It’s a better use of your time and energy to work on accepting others the way they are. 

Even if your sister has a tendency to be manipulative and your coworker is always late, it’s not your job or your business to try to change or fix them. 

Taking yourself out of the role of the “fixer” is liberating! Put yourself in the role of “accepter.”

You can do this by making a mental list of the good characteristics of someone so you’re able to focus on their better attributes instead of honing in on their “flaws.”

Take Responsibility for Your Thoughts and Feelings

If Jenna quit her job to travel to the Swiss Alps and you’re seething with envy- not to be harsh, but… that’s a YOU problem.

You wonder how the heck she could swing that financially and you’re bubbling with anger that you can’t travel right now.

You start to hate your life even more because you’re not where you want to be. 

All of these feelings are just that- your feelings. It’s not on Jenna.

Here’s your loving, maybe not-so-gentle reminder to take responsibility for the thoughts you’re having that are tearing you apart. You caused this turmoil within you.

But the good news is that you can also “un-cause” it.

When you have negative, hurtful thoughts regarding someone else’s situation, notice them as unhelpful. Acknowledge them as present and in your mind.

Then challenge them by asking if they’re true. Question if they’re helpful. 

You’re allowed to feel them, still. I’m not suggesting you push them away. By all means, lean into feeling them. But don’t let them fester.

Once you’ve challenged them, let yourself move forward. Give that thought permission to float away.

| Related Reading: Here’s My Exact Guide to Using Self-Talk to Gain Confidence

Stay Away From Forming Unnecessary Opinions

Your mind will be quick to form opinions about others and their lives and circumstances.

Actively resist that tendency.

How? Try to engross yourself in your own life. Lean into what you’re looking forward to, working on, or growing through. Turn the focus inward. (More on bettering your relationship with yourself.)

BONUS: Deepen Your Relationship with Yourself

If you want to deepen the relationship you have with yourself, don’t miss this content upgrade! It’s a two-page worksheet that walks you through deepening the connection and love you have for yourself.

Make sure to check your promotion and junk folders to find it!

Question Your Own Emotions and Feelings

Your emotions and feelings are valid. Again, no need to shove them deep down. 

It’s better to feel them. Acknowledge that you’re feeling crappy or insecure or hurt.

Then start to question why. Most of the time, it’s not about you. This is a lesson I’ve learned lately in life. 

Your brother getting upset at you because you overstepped and meddled in the family drama when you were just trying to be supportive isn’t about you. His “upsetness” is more about what’s going on with him than it is about you.

So question why you’re feeling hurt that he’s upset with you. You’re feeling hurt because he didn’t recognize your effort to help.

Why? He’s got so much stress at work that his head isn’t on straight, and the stress blurred his vision.

At the end of the day you’re hurt, but his anger about work was just redirected from job stress. 

Dig deeper to get to the root of your emotions. It really helps to journal about this by free writing.

Remember You Don’t Know the Whole Story

When trying to figure out how to mind your own business, this tip is KEY.

There’s so much you don’t know about the situation that you’re trying to involve yourself in because you think you know better or have a better opinion.

How can she afford it? You don’t know that she’s grieving the loss of her grandma who left her a small amount of money to take the trip the two of them always talked about.

Why did he get the promotion over me? You don’t know that he’s been staying late every day for the last three years to take a major course that put him a leg above.

Don’t be a Happiness Bully

Just because something makes you happy doesn’t mean it makes her happy.

Just because something makes her happy, doesn’t mean it makes you happy.

Don’t force your opinions on others because they likely have very different experiences and very different preferences.

To uncover what makes you happy and understand yourself a little better, read “How Are You, Really? by Jenna Kutcher.

Don’t Feed into the Obsession to be Always in the Know

Until very recently, I was obsessed with watching this random internet girl’s Instagram story daily. 

I loved what she posted. Uplifting, educational, family-oriented, wellness-related, and funny content.

If I had a busy day, I actually thought to myself the following day that I missed “important” content she posted. How silly!

Yes, maybe I missed a cute photo of her newborn and the link to her latest favorite wellness tool. But that was all.

I did not need to be in the know about every detail of this gal’s life. I didn’t even know her! It sounds kind of crazy, right?

Despite all the socials begging us to open the apps every five minutes, we do not have to be in the know about every person and every event and every THING.

Resist the urge to consume, consume, consume content. That ultimately leads to a lack of contentment in our own lives.

Benefits of Minding Your Own Business

Minding Your Own Business Gives you More Control

Keeping to yourself in terms of where you stick your nose gives you more control over your mood and your time!

If you’re constantly consumed with other people’s business, you’re not going to feel happy. You’ll be too worried about what others are up to and what they think of you to focus on any inner work.

And when you’re not filling your headspace with other people’s baggage, you have more time and focus to spare!

When You Mind Your Business, You Increase your Impact

Mind your own business more often and people will actually value your opinion more!

Especially because you’re not shoving your opinion where it doesn’t belong. 

You can increase the impact you have by keeping your thoughts to yourself until someone asks for them.

You’re Better Able to Help Others

When you stop worrying about how you fit into her business, you’re much better able to have an objective point of view if she comes to you for help.

What Minding Your Own Business Means

Minding your own business simply means not sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong.

When you are minding your own business, you’re more concerned with your inner growth and your own life circumstances than others.

Keeping to yourself in this way means you don’t seek out the details of others’ lives to satisfy your own curiosity or for your own gain.

Instead of consuming the lives of those around you, you’re dedicated to improving your own life.

Plus, you have more time, energy, and focus to visualize your highest self.

What Not Minding Your Own Business Can Look Like

You know the drill. You offer up your concerns about the town your bestie is thinking of moving to even though she didn’t ask.

Or maybe you text your cousin to gossip about how your grandma played favorites at the last get-together.

Not minding your own business looks ugly. Plain and simple.

If you’re wondering how to mind your own business, as long as you’re not butting into other people’s affairs when it’s not your place, that’s a good start.

You won’t get it right every time, and that’s okay. As long as you’re actively working on getting better at minding your own business. It’s important to be patient with yourself.

Not minding your own business can come in two forms: passively consuming others’ lives and actively interfering in others’ lives.

Passively Consuming the Lives of Others

This often happens via social media. When you scroll endlessly and look at and seek out what others are doing, you’re not minding your own business.

This can lead to serious comparison which is very damaging to our own contentment.

(More on contentment and not feeling content with your life.)

Actively Interfering in the Lives of Others

This version of not minding your own business comes when you offer unsolicited advice and insert your thoughts when nobody asked for them.

This can cause strain on relationships.

Stick to the tips above to focus more on your own self than others.

Why Some People Can’t Mind Their Own Business

When you’re unhappy with your own life, you’re probably seeking external stimulation/excitement.

Maybe you’re not content, so you look to others to fill the void. 

My gentle advice to you if you can’t help but concern yourself with others’ opinions of you for validation OR friend/family drama, is to start doing things that bring you joy.

When you actively participate in things that make you happy, you’re altering your life experience. You’re choosing to elevate your mood.

Why Focus on Minding Your Own Business?

We’ve already discussed the benefits of minding your own business:

• It gives you more control
• Increases your impact
• Opens you up to more learning opportunities (because you’re focused on inner work instead of concerning yourself with external happenings)
• You’re better able to help others

But honestly, it just feels better to be wrapped up in your own journey than to be concerned with others.

It’s natural to be curious about what’s going on behind the scenes in your friends’ lives. And a healthy amount of curiosity often leads to genuine and appropriate concern and attentiveness for them.

But too much of that curiosity turns into an obsession that isn’t healthy.

As a whole, our society feeds off of consuming the drama of celebrity breakups, but you don’t have to ascribe to that same way of thinking.

Because again, it feels better to fill your mind with adaptive, healthy things.

| Related Reading: 7 Tips for Becoming More Independent + 16 Activities to Become a Strong Independent Woman

I guarantee you will feel more content in your life if you focus on say, your own fitness or health journey instead of scrolling to justify your body based on others’ bodies. 

Leaning into your own meal plan or exercise plan for the week feels better than comparing yourself to influencers on Insta.

Minding Your Own Business in a Relationship

I wanted to touch on this concept of how to mind your own business with a spouse or partner.

This whole post encourages you to keep your opinions to yourself unless prompted to share and to not put too much stock in others’ lives.

But I think it’s notable to mention that when you’re in a relationship, especially a marriage, minding your own business is much less of a “thing.”

In my experience, marriage is best when there’s open and honest communication. I think that should be the focus instead of minding your own business when it comes to your concerns or struggles.

| Related Reading: My Wedding was Canceled Twice- Here’s What I Learned

Minding Your Own Business is an Ongoing Practice- Practice Makes Perfect

As with most things, especially most things I write about on this blog, change doesn’t happen overnight.

Implementing the tips in this post will be a slow process, and that’s fine! Be patient with yourself!

Shifting your focus away from others and inward toward yourself will take time and intention. Know that going in.

My all-time favorite tip for personal development is to implement one small thing at a time. So pick one tip from above and work on just that one until you have it down really well.

Only after that, should you add another tip to focus on.

Every time you feel your mind wandering somewhere it shouldn’t, or when you are tempted to interject or jump in when it’s not your place, redirect your attention toward your own journey and life.

Exceptions to Minding your Own Business

An important note about how to mind your own business is that you don’t have to be selfish. You can use discretion.

If a situation genuinely calls for you to jump in, do it! 

Maybe your friend isn’t necessarily asking for your advice, but you sense that she is super depressed and you’re concerned about leaving her alone because she’s made comments about not wanting to go on anymore.

By all means, jump in there and help! This is not a post about never jumping in to help. It’s a post about minding your own business when it’s appropriate. 

| Related Reading: How to Be a Good Friend When They’re Hurting: What to Say and How to Act

But sometimes, it’s important to actually not mind your own business. Use your common sense and move forward with confidence.

Let’s Bring it Home

To recap, you’ve learned how to mind your own business through a bunch of handy tips, plus the benefits of keeping to yourself sometimes. And that minding your own business will allow you to actually make serious movement toward growth in your personal life.

I hope that if you’ve been caught up in the opinions or lives of friends and family, you see how freeing it can feel to mind your own business just a little more.

Comment below and tell me your experience with minding (or not minding) your own business.

Related Reading:

19 Easy Ways to be More Patient With Yourself

17 Ways to Visualize Your Highest Self and Start Showing Up as Her

6 Personal Development Books that will Totally Change You (in a seriously good way!)