7 Ways to Manage Expectations and Avoid Disappointment

Be a good student. Go to college. Get married. Work long hours. Cook every night. Have you had to worry about managing expectations others have set for you?

Be the perfect daughter, sister, girlfriend, or friend. Always be on time, not a minute late. Eat super healthy all the time. Never miss a day of school or work. Have you held yourself to expectations similar to those?

I know I have, and it’s heavy when those expectations are so high that you can’t meet them and you are left disappointing yourself or others. You’ll feel relieved once you learn how to manage expectations which will allow you to live free of disappointment.

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The Expectations of Others

You’ve been there, stuck under the weight of expectations that family or friends impose on you. They have these expectations of you that have to do with their own perception, opinions, and beliefs.

In reality, these expectations have nothing to do with you, yet you still feel crushed by them and intimidated, like you can’t live up to them.

Family, mainly parents, are unfortunately a big culprit here. Out of love, parents want the best for you and expect you to live a full, abundant, successful life.

When your actions lead your parents to believe you’re not living a successful, fruitful existence, they tend to (lovingly) start shelling out assumptions, beliefs, and expectations for you to live by.

Friends can also be guilty of imposing expectations on you. They may expect you to plan their birthday party, keep your nights free for them, and be available 24/7 to answer every text.

You probably feel obligated to fill those expectations, right? At least most of the time. Well, I’m here to tell you that you don’t have to fulfill every expectation put on you. Managing expectations others set for you is such a valuable skill to have to protect your mental health.

Personal Expectations You Set

It’s tough enough to manage expectations set by others, but there’s a whole other level of expectations- the ones you put on yourself.

You may hold yourself to a crazy high standard that you’d never hold your best friend or loved one to.

Personal expectations that are too high might look like expecting yourself to:

• Work out every single day even when you’re sore or tired
• Complete your 10-minute-long skincare routine every single night
• Get everything on your mile-long to-do list done before dinner
• Have your dream life by the time you’re 30

Oftentimes, your expectations for yourself are crazy high and super rigid.

Every time you set an unrealistic expectation, and hold yourself to it, but fail to achieve it, you are setting yourself up for a cycle of disappointment and discouragement.

I did this with my blogging goals when I didn’t hit the first quarterly goal I ever set for my blog, and I was so disappointed and down about it which affected my performance for a bit.

I knew deep down that the goal was super lofty but I didn’t adjust it to something more achievable and I let myself get super upset about it when I could have just managed my expectations better from the start.

*Note: I AM NOT saying that you shouldn’t have big goals by any means! Have big goals and expectations but break them into smaller, much more achievable ones so you can meet each little baby step and keep moving forward. (More on baby steps here.)

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Managing Expectations- A Few Practical Tips

Tips for managing expectations set by others:

1. Set Healthy Boundaries 

This can be uncomfortable to do, but it’s better to feel the discomfort now than to be wrapped up in and tied to big expectations later that you can’t escape from. You can set boundaries by letting them know you hear them, then staking your claim.

2. Let Them Know You Hear Them 

Sometimes loved ones, even coworkers and bosses, just want you to know that they’re concerned and care for you. Acknowledge the expectations in a straightforward way, and kindly inform them that you will consider them, but ultimately, you get the final say.

You could say something like, “I hear you and understand that you’d really like me to come out with you to celebrate, but I’m going to do what is best for my mental health and stay in tonight.”

Or “I appreciate your concern about the project, but I know that I don’t have to stay late to finish it tonight. I’m confident I can wrap it up tomorrow by 11 a.m.”

| Related Reading: 31 Incredible Techniques for Maintaining Inner Peace: How I’m Protecting My Peace from Negativity and Toxic Relationships

3. Be Straightforward That the Expectation is Too Much

Honesty is king in my book. There’s nothing that sends a clearer message than letting someone know they’ve overstepped and placed an expectation on you that’s too much.

You could say something along these lines, “It feels like you’re expecting a lot from me right now. Why is that?”

Or “The expectations you’ve placed on me are really high, can we talk about them?”

This might be hard to say, but it will get to the root of the expectation. Maybe then, the two of you could identify the underlying (maybe false) belief that created the expectation.

4. Take a Step Back 

If you’re a part of something like a club or committee that’s simply expecting too much of you to an unhealthy extent that’s taxing on your mental health, take a break from it. There is no shame in opening up some room on that full plate for a little more rest and self-care.

Tips for Managing Your Own Expectations:

5. Get to the Root of it

Evaluate why exactly you’re putting this pressure on yourself. Journaling is a great way to dig a little deeper here.

If you hold yourself to the standard of cooking every night, could it be that you’re a bit insecure in your role in the home and feel like you need to prove something to yourself?

If you expect yourself to work out every day, are you maybe lacking self-confidence?

Dig a little deeper, friend. Then you can adjust your beliefs and expectations to be more kind to yourself.

6. Introduce a Little Flexibility

Goals are great and expectations are okay if they’re 1) realistic and 2) flexible.

You can expect to get a better job within 6 months, but incorporate a little flexibility in there so that if it doesn’t happen exactly in that time, you can still celebrate when you achieve it.

| Related Reading: 34 Best Books on Finding Your Passion so You Can Live Out Your Purpose in Life

And you can expect yourself to do your job with joy because you think that’s what a good person does, but you can allow yourself the flexibility to feel differently when things are a bit frustrating.

You can expect yourself to be kind and loving always, no matter the circumstances, but give yourself grace when you act less than kind.

7. Bring it Back to Gratitude

No matter the expectation, when your own personal expectations seem super high and it seems like you’re never meeting them, bring your focus back to what you’re grateful for. Focusing on gratitude will alleviate feelings of inadequacy and disappointment.

I write in a gratitude journal every single night, and this practice has greatly shifted my perspective!

If you expect that everyone will like you when you’re kind, you’ll definitely be disappointed in life. But if you bring your focus to those you have in your life, you’ll minimize feelings of discouragement.

You can choose to focus on who you’re grateful for instead of those that don’t get along with you. The same goes for any expectation you put on yourself. Reduce disappointment from not meeting expectations with gratitude.

I did this when I didn’t meet my first quarterly blogging goal. My husband helped me remember to focus on the progress I did make and choose to be grateful for that, instead of being discouraged by what didn’t happen.

Let’s Bring it Home

Let yourself feel relieved now that you have seven practical tips for managing expectations that will reduce feelings of disappointment. Whether your expectations are coming from family, friends, work, or yourself, you have the tools to keep those expectations in check. Refer back to this post any time you need a refresher on tips to help you manage expectations.

Related Reading

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