20 Tips to Have a Better Relationship with Yourself | with Lauren Barrientos

The glow of the red exit sign was all I could see as I lay on the floor in the back room at work with the door locked and the lights off, as a 3-minute breathing exercise played on Youtube. Bizarre as this practice might sound, I’m proud of it, and even announce it to my coworkers before I go in for these few minutes of quiet time on my lunch break. I’ve made it a habit to incorporate a few minutes of intentional stillness into my days. Why?

I realized the rush rush, go go go lifestyle I was living was running me ragged. I have come to truly value my relationship with myself after so many years of shrugging myself off and putting myself last. Living that way isn’t sustainable!

After reading through the tips below, you’ll feel worthy because you’ve learned tips that increase self-love which will allow you to have a better relationship with yourself.

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Why Try to Have a Good Relationship With Yourself?

When you prioritize your relationship with yourself, the rest of life seems to fall into place.

Here’s what creating and maintaining a good relationship with yourself can do:

1. Create confidence in who you are, which will set the stage for lots of positive experiences.
2. Create a firm foundation for healthy relationships outside of yourself.
3. Allow you to not live for the approval of others.

How you treat yourself determines a heck of a lot in your life! A healthy relationship with yourself will also:

1. Set you up for success
2. Allow you to set and achieve goals
3. Inspire others to reach higher
4. Establish appropriate boundaries
5. Allow for rest, productivity, and growth
6. Impact your mental health and perspective on literally everything!

| Related reading: 17 Ways to Visualize Your Highest Self and Start Showing Up as Her

An unhealthy relationship with yourself is destructive to your physical and mental health, hurts outside relationships, impairs your ability to evolve and grow, and impacts your success and how you function day to day.

Convinced you need a few tips that will inspire you to improve your relationship with yourself?

We’ve got you covered!

And by we, I mean me AND Lauren Barrientos of laurenbarri.com. She’s an author and an incredible, inspiring woman! We’ve partnered to give you our very best tips for how to have a better relationship with yourself!

Why listen to us?

We’ve both dedicated ourselves to delivering uplifting, inspiring, self-development, productivity, and wellness-related words of wisdom to you!

We walk the walk! Just check out our other blog posts (here’s a list of mine, and here’s Lauren’s blog) or Insta pages (here’s mine, and here’s Lauren’s) to see the proof!

In this post, you’ll get 10 of the 20 tips, and you’ll have to hop on over to Lauren’s blog to get the other 10 that we collabed on!

Let’s Get to the Tips

1. Give Yourself Grace

–Skye

This one is first because I think it’s the most important! It’s simple really: be gentle with yourself. This can be really tricky, though. If you’re a perfectionist, a hard worker, or a people pleaser, you might tend to be hard on yourself or hold yourself to super high standards that you wouldn’t hold others to. I urge you though, to take it easy on yourself. (More on how to incorporate self-love here.) 

Give yourself grace by allowing yourself to take breaks when you need, resting when your body tells you to, and letting yourself mess up, say no, and be understanding when you don’t “measure up.” This is about not beating yourself up for anything, but being understanding of yourself instead.

Giving yourself grace feels a heck of a lot better than being harsh on yourself, and it will absolutely lead to a better relationship with yourself because you’ll create a safe mental environment for yourself where it’s okay to make mistakes, mess up, and fall short.

2. Know Your Love Language

–Lauren

If you don’t know what love languages are, they’re all about the different ways to express love. They came from the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. The love languages include:

· Words of affirmation
· Quality time
· Acts of service
· Physical touch
· Receiving gifts

Knowing your love language is a great way to build a better relationship with yourself. This is because it helps you decide which activities you should do, and how to express self-love.

You can read more on how to practice the love languages on yourself in this past blog post here.

(This idea comes from this book. I read it, and it was so eye-opening for me! It helps you understand that how you tend to give love is likely the way you like to receive it, but that it’s helpful to give love the way others prefer to be loved.)

3. Journal for Clarity

–Skye

This is to get a better understanding of where you’re at mentally and emotionally.

I truly believe that getting thoughts down on paper is one of the best things you can do for yourself.

You can create an authentic relationship with yourself by putting concrete words to your abstract thoughts and feelings.

I’m a big fan of a thought dump (putting everything that’s in your head at a given time down on paper).

Or you could try journal prompts such as:

What’s something I can celebrate today (even if the day wasn’t the best)?
Is there something I want to do more of in my life?
What’s something I want to do less of in my life?
What do people come to me for? (This gives you a glimpse at your natural strengths.)
Have I learned something about myself recently that I want to remember?

Go ahead, try one in the Notes app on your phone right now if you’d like, then come back here to read the rest of the tips.

Or you could start a journaling practice in a notebook like this one.

Content Upgrade!

Okay, so it’s great to read all this, but let’s actually put it into practice!

Fill out the form below and you’ll get a 2-page PDF with extra journal prompts and questions for you to dig deeper so you can actually build a better relationship with yourself!

(Plus, you’ll be added to my email list too for lots more good stuff!)

Be sure to check your promotions and junk folders to find it!

4. Identify what GIVES You Self-Love and what Doesn’t

–Lauren

One easy self-care tip is to have A LOT of self-awareness.
You want to be self-aware on what gives you self-love and what doesn’t.

For example, activities that give you self-love may include:
· Saying affirmations (try these affirmation cards)
· Listening to music
· Watching motivational videos
· Dressing up nice.

And activities that don’t give you self-love may include:
· Going on social media
· Watching the news
· Eating junk food.

5. Be Honest with Yourself when Something is Off

–Skye

To create a real and raw relationship with yourself, you have to be willing to acknowledge when something is off with yourself. It could be that you’re feeling physically off (sore, your appetite is off, you have aches and pains, your body feels overworked) or mentally off (stressed, anxious, overwhelmed).

Denying anything within you that feels off can be dangerous for your health and wellbeing. You have to be able to acknowledge these subtle, or not so subtle cues. Because after all, you want to take care of yourself, right? Being honest with yourself will create a safe and healthy home within your body and mind.

6. Analyze and Be Willing to Course Correct

–Skye

First, you have to acknowledge when something is off inside you, but then, you have to be willing to address it!

This tip is all about being willing and ready to recognize if something in your life needs addressing, then DOING something about it. Be a little analytical with yourself so you can course correct.

For example, I bite the inside of my cheek when I’m anxious. So when I recognize myself doing that, I analyze why. I ask myself a few questions:

What’s going on in my life right now that could be making me worried?

What can I do to help my nerves?

And then I do something about it, I course correct to address the issue.

Addressing issues within yourself leads to empowerment! And an empowering mindset is so good for your relationship with yourself.

7. Turn Off Notifications WHEN You’re Doing Something Important

–Lauren

Turning off your notifications is actually a way to build a better relationship with yourself.

This something important can include (but not limited to):

· When you’re working on something important for your work, study, or business

· When you’re with family and friends

· When you’re doing your self-care

· When you’re working out

· When you’re eating

Pretty much anything that requires your full undivided attention.

I mean, how would you feel if someone you’re with constantly gets distracted with their notifications? It’s the same with you.
Build a better relationship with yourself by not letting yourself get distracted by small little things.

8. Listen to Your Body

–Lauren

Think about this, isn’t it rude to not listen to someone? Obviously, yes. It’s very rude to not listen to someone when they’re clearly speaking to you.

So, if someone is telling you something, and you completely ignore it, aren’t you being rude?

It’s the exact same with your own body.

If your body is telling you that you need a break and you’re still pushing yourself to work, you’re being rude to your body.

If your body is telling you that you need to stay away from junk food and you still eat more of it, you’re being rude to your body.

If your body is telling you to sleep already, and you still continue to stay up, you’re ignoring your body.

Instead of being “rude” to your body, listen to it instead! You’re the one in your body, so only you know what’s best for it.

If you’re feeling tired, rest. If you’re feeling hungry, eat. If you’re feeling thirsty… drink. Sounds like common sense, but we could all use the reminder every now and then.

9. Love Your Body

–Skye

Do you have a positive self-image? Think about it! Answer yes or no in your head right now.

A really powerful way to create a loving relationship with yourself is to work on loving your body! You may be thinking that your body isn’t ideal or perfect, or what you want it to be. But, I’m telling you that you can absolutely love your body right now, in the form that it takes, because of what it does for you.

Sure, maybe you have a roll or two extra that you don’t love, or some cellulite, stretch marks, or blemishes. Maybe you don’t like the shape of your legs or how your tummy rolls over your pants when you sit. BUT you can actively choose to love your body anyway because it works hard to function for you! Its inner workings allow you to wake up, go to school or work, think hard, move from place to place, and comply with the demands life puts on it.

Your body works for you, allows you to chew and swallow, stretch and twist, nurture and hold loved ones close, sing and dance, and so much more. I don’t want to risk sounding cliché here, but, truly, your body works FOR you.

So love it for that! And once you start loving it for that, I bet you’ll find it easier to love those rolls and stretch marks too.

Loving your body sets you up so well to have an honest-to-goodness relationship with yourself.

| Related Reading: Stop Wondering How to Prioritize You: The What, Why, and How of Self-Love

10. Invest in Yourself

–Lauren

Now… How is investing in yourself a way to build a better relationship with yourself?

Well, when you invest in yourself for your future, your future self will thank you, and love you more for it.

Your future self will thank you for making those choices! Whether that’d be in your:

· Finances
· Health
· Personal Development
· Self-Care
· Career/Study/Business
· Relationships

That’s why, build a better relationship with yourself by investing in your future self. Work on those goals you want to accomplish. Take action each day to become a version of yourself that you are proud of. Make the decisions today that your future self will be so grateful for.

You can read more here on how to invest in yourself in this past blog post.

How to Implement These Tips Successfully

Okay, so I’m sure that at least a few of these stuck out to you. You may have mentally checked off a few you want to try, and that’s great!

Buuuut, please don’t try to put them all into practice at the same time! That’s a recipe for disaster (well maybe not disaster, but a recipe that just won’t come out that good).

The trick here, as with implementing anything new, is to start super small.

Choose just one, yes ONE, to start with. And work on putting it into practice so well in your life, to the point where it becomes habit. Work on this one thing until it’s ingrained in you and you do it naturally.

Only then can you add in one more thing. Then work on that until it’s natural. And so on. Super slow, intentional, actionable progress is the best kind because it’s the most meaningful! You’ve thoughtfully implemented this practice and it’s going to stick, plus you’ll be better for it!

Let’s Bring it Home

Hopefully, you feel totally and completely worthy of stepping into self-love after reading that. We’ve given you 20 whole ways to try this out (the 10 you just read, and the other 10 here). 20 tips to develop a healthy relationship with yourself. I’m telling you, you are worthy and deserving of treating yourself well. And when you treat yourself well and have a good relationship with yourself, you’ll model to others how you deserve and want to be treated, so it’s a win-win!

So, I’d love for you to share this post with someone who you think is deserving of an amazing relationship with themselves! 

Think of that person’s name right now in your head. I know you have someone who’s deserving of some extra self-love today. Share this with them to uplift and support them.

Read the other 10 tips here!