My Wedding was Canceled Twice- Here’s What I Learned

Canceled?! The biggest day of our lives- canceled just like that. Locked down for what seemed like an eternity. Plenty of girls dream of their wedding day, and I was no exception.

Usually, those dreams come to fruition almost perfectly, but that’s not our story (although the ending is magical and sweet, the road to get there was killer).

Curious what I learned from canceling my wedding not once, but twice? You know that in life, things sometimes go horribly wrong, not according to plan at all. When things don’t go your way, what do you do?

Keep reading and you’ll feel assured because you’ll learn what to focus on when life doesn’t go as planned which will allow you to adapt and maintain a healthy state of mind.

This post may contain affiliate links which means I’ll receive a commission if you purchase through my links, at no extra cost to you. Please read full disclosure for more information.

(Here’s a great bible study for when things don’t go your way. The Daily Grace Co is my go-to for bible studies! They’re beautiful and so meaningful with prompts and more.)

How Our Story Started

This blog post is two things: our wedding story, since I’ve never fully shared it on the internet, and a lesson on what to do when things don’t go your way (which I teach through the lens of my rollercoaster wedding story).

So if you’re here for the wedding story, it’s next. If you’re here for the lesson and what I’ve learned to do when things go horribly wrong, scroll down to the last section.

Caleb and I got engaged on June 22, 2019 after over six years together. It was a complete dream. He proposed on top of a lighthouse on a warm, breezy summer night. I had a slight feeling it was coming but was completely shocked when it actually happened.

I had to have Caleb repeat what he said to me later on since I must have blocked it all out in my pure elation. It was during a “night climb” so there were plenty of people there to celebrate with us and cheer us on as we descended the lighthouse and sat by the bonfire. All night, strangers congratulated us with genuine joy. 

As private a person as I am, I truly enjoyed the sense of community we felt as bystanders poured congratulatory wishes over us and offered to take our picture. We were on cloud nine, really.

We had waited so long for that night. Yes, we always knew we’d get married, but since we met when I was 16 and he was 18, we had a long road of waiting ahead of us before we were ready for marriage.

After our Engagement

We planned a beautiful, intimate wedding. We are savers and we’re frugal so we did a lot on our own and strategically planned our perfect wedding.

A few weeks before our wedding that was scheduled for March 28, 2020, we were getting a little nervous from the Covid stories in the news. Friends started texting us asking if we were still having our wedding.

Of course we were, I thought. We are having this wedding rain or shine! It’s been so long in the making.

Then, our venue called Caleb to let us know that due to the indoor gathering restrictions, we could not have our wedding there on March 28th. Caleb called me at work to let me know the news, and I broke down. We were completely devastated.

Neither of us has cried so hard as a couple up to that point. It may seem trivial to some, but we had planned this whole wedding ourselves and all we wanted was to get married.

We were overwhelmed at the thought that we might lose money for having to cancel and even more upset because it seemed like we’d have to wait a long time to have another wedding.

After Covid Caused Us to Lose our Venue

Then on Friday afternoon, March 20, 2020, my coworker came over to my desk and said, “Skye, I don’t exactly know what this means, but my husband received this text, take a look!” We read it out loud together over and over trying to make sense of it.

The text was basically a heads-up that there was a lockdown coming the next day. It was from someone official, but reading it, it felt totally unbelievable. It was like I was on a movie set or something, and the plot was getting crazy.

Do we take this “official” text as legitimate? Do we disregard it? If there was a lockdown, how long would it be, what would it mean?!

I called Caleb and said, “Hey, how are you? Um.. do you want to get married tomorrow?” My thought process was that we should do it now because we don’t know what this lockdown has in store!

And I explained the text my coworker showed me. Caleb is as go-with-the-flow as can be, so he was down for a super quick ceremony before the supposed lockdown.

It truly felt like a movie, like who plans to get married tomorrow?! Weddings take months, maybe years to plan, and there I was, Miss Plan-Every-Aspect-of-my-Life-to-the-Smallest-Detail, throwing all plans out the window.

We called our family and told them where to be and when the next day. They were all on board. We called our pastor, praying he was around the next day to marry us.

My Wedding Day Came Earlier Than Expected!

My mom planned our day out. She couldn’t even host a dinner after, because if you remember, there was NO food in the grocery stores! People were buying the stores out for fear of being locked down.

So she improvised and bought BJ’s frozen little appetizers. (It should be noted that this is the first wedding for both my side of the family and Caleb’s, and it was NOT supposed to go down like this, but all we could do was laugh at the complete 180 turn of events.)

I slipped on a too-big white dress (similar to this white lace dress) I had originally ordered for our rehearsal dinner (which was obviously canceled). And I put on my wedding jewelry and shoes.

We gathered our immediate family and said a very emotional “I do” in an almost empty church. It was THE most beautiful moment of our lives. The tears were flowing like Niagara Falls. There was not a dry eye in the house.

We live-streamed it for our friends and family to watch from home, and with that, we were husband and wife! That very night at 9:00 pm, our state was locked down.

Not at all how I wanted our wedding to play out, but hey, you can’t control everything.

I moved into our adorable townhouse tucked in the woods with Caleb and we spent lockdown together, all cozied up as Mr. and Mrs.

Everyone who knows the story says how great a story it is, but that’s not even half of it. We still wanted to have the wedding we planned.

How Our Wedding Story Ended

With high hopes, we contacted all our wedding vendors and figured out a new date in August 2020 when they were all available. We were adamant about keeping all the vendors the same and having the exact wedding we originally planned (keep reading to see why that’s funny).

August of 2020 came and the gathering restrictions in New Jersey were still in effect.

We tried every possible solution. We’ll have it in a park so we can have our whole guest list there. Nope, no music allowed in any park in our county, how silly!

We thought we’d have it in a backyard, but there wouldn’t be enough parking.

Then we tried for marinas in the area, anything outside so we didn’t have to abide by the indoor gathering limitations. Still no luck.

I was even desperate enough to ask my employer to use the lot they had on the bay as space, but that was a liability risk.

We tried every possible solution, but this wedding was not going to happen.

Canceling Our Wedding AGAIN

I sat around our dining room table with Caleb and my parents, and we made the decision to cancel our wedding a SECOND time.

So we waited a while, and eventually explored more outdoor venues so that if the restrictions stayed in place, we could still have our wedding. Thanks to my coworker, we found a beautiful farm with a greenhouse that had a roof that opened up! It was perfect!

We’d get married on the grounds in a big open field, have the cocktail hour in the greenhouse, and put tents up for the reception. There was even a spot for the dancefloor, something super important to us (we loooove to dance).

We then picked a day in October of 2021 when all of our vendors were available. Then we waited some more, for October 2021 to get close enough for us to start planning again.

And we planned! Things started to come together, finally! I was still nervous something would happen and Covid would ruin our plans for a third time, but we kept trucking along.

Another Cancelation…?

The planning was smooth sailing. Then, our caterer called and said something slipped between the cracks- the venue we picked didn’t have a kitchen with the equipment the caterer needed.

And it was either lose our deposit and find a new caterer with only a few months until the wedding, or pay thousands of extra dollars we didn’t plan for so they could build a kitchen on site.

We couldn’t afford the extra money, plus the cost of the tents (which we didn’t know at the time we booked the farm- who knew they were so expensive, I’m talking tens of thousands of dollars!).

So we had to part ways with that caterer, and find a new one- a basically impossible feat in a pandemic with this big of an event coming up so quickly. And also part ways with the farm, because the tents were just too much money.

With just three months until our wedding…

We had to find a new venue and a new caterer (these are the kinds of things you plan like a year or more in advance…).

I got to work with the help of a coworker. We made a detailed, color-coded spreadsheet and shared it with my mom.

The three of us made phone call after phone call, sent email after email in a frenzied attempt to secure the biggest vendors of a wedding, last minute.

Finally, my mom came across a caterer that was available for the day before our planned date. We didn’t want a Friday wedding, but this was the closest we thought we’d come to replanning this shindig.

That meant that we’d have to call our photographer and DJ to see if they were available the night before. It proved too difficult, so we went back to the drawing board.

By the grace of God, my mom found a caterer and new venue (stunning I might add) on the same day! The caterer was available for our date! The venue had a bride booked for our date for something like two years- similar story to mine, Covid changed her wedding plans multiple times.

The venue manager gave her one more call after not being able to get a hold of her for months. My mom and I waited anxiously by our phones for the call that the bride wasn’t going to use the space that night.

Things Were FINALLY Looking Up

We secured a new venue and a new caterer with three months until our wedding!

From there, we bought tulle, ribbon, baby’s-breath, pumpkins, lanterns and candles, the works.

I then had to find a new hair stylist, because the friend I booked about two years prior had moved. The hunt was on, and another friend came through! Her best friend was available and so talented! She was booked!

Just a week before our wedding, we decided we wanted a videographer. It shouldn’t be difficult to book, we thought, because our very large photography company offered videography packages too, so they must have someone available, right? Nope.

And now it was in our heads that we wanted a videographer, so again, we made about a thousand calls. Finally, after so many nos, we found one! And not only was he crazy talented, but he was also super kind and in our budget! Ciron Studio Works saved the day!

One More Glitch

Then I got a text from my makeup artist 6 days before the wedding. She was sick and unable to make it. At this point, sure, that was a blow, but we’ve handled everything else just fine, so not much could shock me anymore in this planning process.

I got to work again, I called straight down Google’s “makeup near me” list until I spoke to such a helpful woman, she gave me numbers to call her fellow makeup artists. One of them was a match and had an artist available for our date! Phew! I booked her!

And the makeup was the very last glitch!

The Wedding Day was Just About Here

We had our rehearsal dinner (replanned of course, keeping with the theme here) and it was such a sweet time with close friends and family.

And it wasn’t until I woke up on my wedding day that I believed it was actually going to happen! I had a fear that we’d get Covid before the wedding and we’d have to cancel again.

We did unfortunately have a few who got sick and couldn’t attend, most notably, Caleb’s brother and best man. He’s better now, so that’s what matters, but we did truly miss him that day.

So my mom, maid of honor, Carly, and I got up at the crack of dawn to truck it an hour west to our beautiful lakeside venue. When I walked in the French doors on that perfectly warm, yet also cool-ish early October day, I could finally tell we were having this stinking wedding!!!

We spent the morning decorating, chatting, and getting pampered. We had mimosas and snacks, even cannolis (my fave).

The day of coordinator and caterer arrived and helped transform the once-empty ballroom into any girl’s dream. Mauve flowers draped from the stone fireplace and fairy lights gave the room a warm glow.

Happily Ever After (Finally!)

Our wedding day was completely and utterly perfect. Every single thing went right. I cried more than I ever thought I would (being that we were already married, I thought my emotions would be kept at bay).

The ceremony in the clearing of the woods with our violinist playing softly, the clear blue skies, our closest people gathered together after so many changed plans, watching us repeat our vows, it was an absolute dream.

The reception in the golden ballroom set beside a sparkling lake, the lights from the DJ sweeping across the walls, the way we danced almost the whole night surrounded by loved ones, our wedding day was absolutely worth every single ounce of planning and replanning.

I wouldn’t have done it any other way. All this time later, and I’m still thinking about it.

We ended up with mostly different vendors and nothing about our wedding was how we originally planned. Different place, different food, different hair and makeup girls, different everything, but we were happiest with exactly how it turned out.

What I Learned from Canceling my Wedding Twice

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Humans are freaking resilient!

We’ve learned this, of course through Covid, but I learned this more about myself personally when my makeup artist couldn’t make it with a week to go. I didn’t take all the other cancelations well, but after getting knocked down a few times, I learned the true value of being resilient.

Freaking out wasn’t going to solve the makeup artist problem. So after years of letting myself become devastated by changing plans, by the end of it, I learned what it meant to be resilient.

I learned that when things don’t go my way, bouncing back feels a heck of a lot better than falling down.

What do you do when things don’t go your way? Do you crumble like I did all those times? Or do you shrug it off and laugh to yourself, reminding yourself that you will overcome this minor setback?

With enough tries, I know that you’ll be able to laugh and move on (it might take some falling down first, but you’ll get there)!

Instead of wasting time worrying about that thing that didn’t go as planned, spend that time figuring out your next move.

When things don’t go as planned, focus on times in the past when you were resilient and that will remind you that you CAN be resilient for this next thing.

I Was Bitter… And Bitterness Tarnishes Joy

Other events were happening during Covid but ours wasn’t! Celebrity events, NFL games, and friends’ weddings. How were these things allowed to happen but we had to wait?! It felt unfair- and I hate to use that term.

But I was comparing my situation to those around me which is not healthy by any means. I became very bitter, and that’s not a good look. Neither is it good for your mental health. Bitterness tarnishes joy and excitement.

I should have honestly been minding my own business to protect myself from getting upset about other events that were happening.

What traits come out in you when things don’t go your way? Think back to a time when something didn’t go to plan. How do you react? Do you like who you become or does that person need a little work?

I needed work. By the end of our wedding planning process, when something didn’t go to plan, I tried my best to zoom out, look at the bigger picture, and take action to move forward instead of freezing in disappointment and bitterness.

When things don’t go as planned and something goes really wrong, focus on the person you strive to be in these situations and that will guide your actions and behavior in a time of crisis so that you’re a person you’re proud of. Focus on cultivating just a smidge more inner peace.

Support is KEY!

Know your close circle and who you can rely on because you’ll need to rely on others at some point!

I guess I knew this before I canceled my wedding twice, but I was strongly reminded of how true this is. The way our family and friends adapted to each change in schedule, supported every decision and stood by us through the two-year process of having our wedding blew me away.

Friends and coworkers listened to every gripe I had, every complaint and frustration along the way. I felt so supported and loved.

I’m generally a pretty independent girl and pride myself on doing things on my own. I think I attempted to be that way during the first round of planning, but as time went on, I learned the value of leaning on my supports and calling on loved ones for help, and it made all the difference.

Are you too prideful or embarrassed to lean on the support of your circle? What stops you from phoning a friend and calling out for help? I encourage you to embrace those around you who love you, because they want to offer you support!

When things don’t go your way, focus on the love of those around you and it will remind you that even if things keep going wrong, relationships are often more important than your crummy circumstances.

There’s always a bigger picture

Because things happened the way they did, we got to go on a honeymoon (which wouldn’t have been possible otherwise due to my employer’s policy on traveling).

In between our small ceremony and our big October wedding, Caleb and I got Covid for our one-year marriage anniversary. But because we got sick, my job recognized an immunity period where I was “allowed” to travel according to them after we healed from Covid.

We took advantage of this immunity period and traveled out of the country for an absolute dream honeymoon!

Looking back, there really was a bigger picture, because as beautiful as our first venue was on the water, and as stunning as our second venue was on the farm, we were able to have the wedding we both imagined at our third venue. It’s what I always pictured.

So all the heartache and stress of replanning was undoubtedly worth it to have the wedding I always dreamed of!

So, when things don’t go the way you want them to go, I encourage you to focus on zooming out in an attempt to see the bigger picture. This is the hardest thing to do, but honing this skill will take you so far in life.

The life I have set out for us isn’t what’s going to happen- and that’s OKAY.

My plan won’t always come to fruition. Through this wedding planning and replanning process, I’ve learned that almost nothing in life pans out the way I actually planned it. And it’s a good lesson moving forward.

The picture I have in my head of my ideal life isn’t how it will actually play out. The plans I lay will be flipped on their head. And here, flexibility is key.

I’ve learned that flexibility in life is gold. It’s okay if things don’t go exactly to plan, and it’s even better if I can embrace that and enjoy how things did pan out! That, my friend, is the essence of flexibility.

When things don’t go according to plan, do you panic or do you have the awareness that it’s a-okay? You’ll thank yourself if you take the time to develop that awareness that things will always go a little off track and that that’s part of the beauty of life- the unknown of it all.

Let’s Bring it Home

Let’s wrap up the longest blog post ever! It feels good to recap my wedding story in this way because it had a happy ending AND taught me valuable lessons to share. Remember to focus on any of those five things I listed above when things don’t go your way and I know that you’ll feel assured so you can maintain a healthy state of mind for the next curveball life throws at you!