You Are Who You Surround Yourself With: Who the Right People Are and How to Find Them

In the past, I’ve felt totally impacted by people I was surrounded with- in a negative way. And I found it pretty hard to navigate.

The truth is, you are who you surround yourself with. You really are the sum of the few people you’re with the most. And that can be a really good thing (if those around you are uplifting and wonderful) or a really bad thing!

If you’ve felt unsure of how to improve your circle of people or you’ve been negatively impacted by the people around you, stay tuned.

You’re about to learn why you are who you surround yourself with, how to surround yourself with the right people, and who the right people even are, which will allow you to make adjustments to your sphere of influence so you can limit negative people and increase positive people in your life.

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Why Does Surrounding Yourself with Quality People Matter

We’ll start with the basics- ultimately, you start to act like those that you spend the most time with. They rub off on you and some of that sticks.

Maybe it’s their mannerisms or a common phrase they say at first, but the more time you spend with someone, the more like them you have the potential to become. This is why your circle of people really matters.

You have the power to shape who you are based on the quality of the people you surround yourself with. This is why it’s so important to surround yourself with quality people.

Is it True That You Become Like The People You Surround Yourself With?

Yes, it’s true that you are who you surround yourself with. 

Those around you have the potential to impact your energy, your habits and behaviors, your reputation and how others perceive you, your interests, your growth, and even your values!

If your closest friends are into pickleball, odds are, you’ll find yourself buying paddles and heading to the court. If your friends really value spending time together, you’ll likely find yourself at their house for monthly game nights. If your group is characterized by go-getters, you’ll be positively influenced to grow, too.

How Important is the Group of People You Spend the Most Time With?

You can see now that your friends and family closest to you have a heck of a lot of influence over you. 

By nature, humans are social creatures. And we benefit from lots of viewpoints to create the balanced perspective we need to grow. 

It’s especially important to surround yourself with good people because most of the time, we look to a few trusted others in our lives to help us make big decisions. Should you make the move, take the job, say yes to that opportunity, take the trip, or buy the thing? You’re usually looking for the advice of those you trust to help you make life decisions.

So if you have a circle of people who are lacking (maybe they’re selfish, negative, or manipulative), when you look to them for help with life’s decisions, they might lead you astray.

The Right People Impact Your Life Positively and Help You Grow

Why does who you surround yourself with matter? Because your close-knit circle of people CAN positively impact you and spur on growth in your life (if they’re the right people- we’ll talk about what type of person that is later).

When your closest few people genuinely care about you, they want to see you succeed. When you choose the right people, they aren’t intimidated by you and your success, so they want success for you. They want to see you flourish and grow.

| Related Reading: How to Be a Good Friend When They’re Hurting: What to Say and How to Act

4 Reasons Why You Are Who You Surround Yourself With

There’s proof that you are who you surround yourself with, from the way you want to fit in to the way you crave support. The behavior of others is contagious and we tend to follow the trajectory of the crowd. Let’s dig into exactly why we become the people around us.

So why do you become who you surround yourself with?

1. We Crave Fitting In

Humans want so badly to fit in with the crowd. We don’t typically like to be different. There’s a famous experiment that shows this- even when participants of the study knew the right answers to a question, they went along with the crowd’s answer even if it was wrong.

It’s because of our desire to conform to the group that we often become the people around us. 

2. Behavior and Mindsets are Contagious

You are who you surround yourself with because behaviors and mindsets are contagious. The behaviors that your circle of influence engages in will likely rub off on you.

If your bestie is all about her morning routine and a morning walk, I’d be willing to bet that you’ll try to incorporate similar aspects into your morning. 

The same goes for mindsets. If your sister operates from a growth mindset, through your conversations and time spent together, you’ll begin to adopt a growth mindset without even realizing it. 

3. We Love Support In Who We Are- Validation

Another reason why you are who you surround yourself with is because human beings seek validation for who we are.

We love to feel supported and encouraged in who we are and what we’re doing. And we seek out that support and validation from those we love and admire. In turn, we provide that support and validation to our circle of people.

4. The Groups Trajectory Imacts Yours

Who you surround with matters because the group’s trajectory impacts your trajectory. If a majority of the people in your sphere of influence are doing things to move up in their careers, you’ll likely follow their lead.

Or if people in your close-knit group are slowing down and spending more time on self-care, you’ll likely follow in their footsteps. 

I like this concept because I always want to be growing and improving. So I make an effort to surround myself with people who have that same desire for change. It puts the power in your hands!

What Kind of People Should You Surround Yourself With?

Surrounding yourself with the right people is an obvious win, but who exactly are “the right people”? Choose to spend time around people who have ambition, who work hard and problem-solve, who are on a similar journey as you, who inspire you, and are honest with you. Let’s dive into each of these characteristics further.

Surround Yourself with Go-Getters

You can be sure you’re choosing the right people to be around if most, if not all of them have ambition. You want to hang around the go-getters of the world, the people who have drive and motivation and passion. 

These types of people set goals and actively work toward them. They’re not complacent. They’re active participants in their lives.

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Spend Time Around People that Take Action: The Doers and Hard Workers

When you’re curating your sphere of influence, be mindful to include people who work hard. Hard workers are doers, they take action. If they want something, they go after it instead of sitting around talking or dreaming about it. 

Similar to the go-getters, the action-takers aren’t afraid of trying and learning from mistakes. They’re smart and analyze how to improve their action.

Hang Around Problem-Solvers

Include problem-solvers in your group of close people because they don’t shy away from the hard stuff, the trials and challenges. These types of people are fearless in their pursuit forward. They’re not scared of trial and error, either. 

And they’ll help you solve problems in your life too!

People in the Same Season of Life as You

Surround yourself with a handful of people in the same season of life as you. It’s really helpful when close friends are experiencing similar things as you. There’s support and relief when you can bond over shared experiences.

Granted, not every person close to you must be on the same journey as you. It’s super helpful to have a variety here, but also beneficial to have a few people who are walking similar paths as you.

Maybe you’re in the season of life where you’re churning out college courses, keeping your head down, and working hard. Or you’re in a season of apartment hunting for your first place. Maybe you’re in a season of life where you’re planning for a wedding or baby, or buying a home, or taking care of parents or grandparents.

All of these seasons of life come with lots of questions! So it’s so fun and helpful to have a friend who’s in it with you, or who has just gone through it.

Develop Relationships with Inspirational People, Role Models, and Mentors

Choosing the right people to spend your time with should include inspirational people. This includes role models and mentors. 

Even if you don’t have a technical role model or mentor, you can still make an effort to surround yourself with inspirational people. These are the people who are so excited to share their latest anything with you. That *thing* is usually aligned with you in some way since your interests and values likely intersect, so you feel inspired hearing about it. 

My walking friend and I chat as we walk, and she’s always inspiring me with her lifestyle. After our time together, I feel inspired to go home and cook or do yoga or spend time doing something creative.

Gravitate Toward People Who Help You Be the Best Version of Yourself

Spend time with people who want to help you become the best possible version of yourself. These are quality people that aren’t intimidated by your growth and success because they’re secure in their own growth and success.

These types of people want to see you grow because they’re happy and secure in their life. And they want you to feel the same. People like this are thrilled for you when something good happens in your life. They genuinely want to celebrate with you.

Nurture Relationships with Honest People

Consciously surround yourself with people who are honest. Sure, you want to know if that dress looks good on you, but you also want someone who is going to gently and kindly give it to you straight in more serious situations.

When you’re dealing with something life throws at you, or you need an actual honest opinion, it’s so helpful to know you have people in your corner who will be real with you.

I have personal experience with this. Back when I was working through my health journey and figuring out how to eat properly while working out (and how to respect my body and treat it well in workouts), my mom openly and honestly told me that I looked unhealthily skinny. 

Looking back, I’m grateful that she had the courage to share that with me because it made me take a harsh look at my workout habits and work to repair the damaged mindset I had around working out.

How to Surround Yourself With the Right Type of People

Quality people aren’t going to show up at your doorstep begging to be a part of your life. You have to go out and find the people who are worth hanging around. 

Since you are who you surround yourself with, it’s helpful to know how and where to find quality people. From making the first move to joining groups to leveraging social media, there are tons of ways below to curate the right circle of people in your life.

Be Where the Right People are Hanging Out

Who you surround yourself with matters, so put yourself where the right people are, plain and simple! 

You wouldn’t go to the gym to meet fellow Psychology majors, you’d go to the university library. And you wouldn’t go to the library to meet fellow workout gals. Hang out where the people you want to meet hang out.

If you’re in the vicinity of the right people, you’ll get opportunities to meet them! Don’t be nervous to put yourself in the environments of your desired peers. 

Make the First Move- Get Uncomfortable

How do you meet the right people? Make a move. Get uncomfortable and go out on a limb. 

Strike up a conversation with the girl in the office down the hall that you admire. Ask your coworker out for coffee instead of only chatting on lunch. Stay after church to have a conversation with the woman you’ve been impressed with or inspired by recently.

It’s scary to make the first move, but it may be the only way to get the relationship started! People are generally open to making new friends and adding positive, beneficial relationships to their lives. So move forward with confidence.

| Related Reading: How to be a Confident Woman: 6 Killer Ways to Build Confidence

Refine Your Current Circle- Recognize the Positive People

Surround yourself with quality people by refining the people you already have in your life. It could very well be that you have a few “rotten apples” in your current circle that you’ve let sit there for a while. 

Refining your sphere of influence can be tricky because you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. You have to be tactful with this. Don’t hardcore cut out the negative people if you don’t want to burn bridges or hurt anyone. I’d say just make an effort to spend more time with the positive people.

Here are some examples of the types of people you want to spend more time with as you refine your current circle: the goal-setters, the dreamers, the hard workers, the smart ones, and the creative ones.

If you find this strategy hard, it may be time to address the expectations you set for yourself or the expectations your circle of people set for you. And lucky for you, I’ve already written about that in depth!

| Related Reading: 7 Ways to Manage Expectations and Avoid Disappointment

Join a Group Related to Your Professional Pursuits

Whether you join a Facebook group or a physical, in-person group, quality people are waiting there! 

I met some amazing people, the owner of freeat50.blog, Daphne Reznik and creator of the Unfinished Grace Podcast, Brandi Kepley through a Facebook group and now we’re online besties! These two relationships have helped me grow so much in my professional life and also nourished my faith as well. 

I never expected to make such quality friendships via the internet!

Remove Yourself From Negative Relationships and Drama

Find the right people to positively impact you by making room for them! You don’t need to hold onto relationships that are hurtful or harmful. Relationships may serve you well for a time, but some naturally come to an end, and that’s okay!

This is your permission to politely take a step back from the relationships that cause you more grief than benefit. You’re allowed to pour into other relationships that are more fulfilling to you.

Set Standards in Your Relationships

Surround yourself with the right people that will lift you up and encourage you by having and sticking to a set standard.

It’s good to have certain standards in any relationship. Know how you want to be treated and don’t settle for something less. 

One of my standards is nurturing relationships that are authentic and honest. I don’t have time for inauthentic people and interactions. Those relationships, including the ones that are too surface-level, don’t fill me up. So my standard for all of my close relationships is authenticity on both ends.

Seek out Smart People

Cultivate a quality group of people by seeking out smart people. Some people believe you shouldn’t be the smartest person in the room so you ensure you’re always being challenged. Take that for what you want, but make an effort to seek out intelligent people.

They will challenge your perspective and cause you to think more deeply about your beliefs. This is super helpful and healthy to do!

Follow Encouraging People on Instagram

Yes, you are who you surround yourself with, but you’re also impacted by the content you consume. So make an effort to follow encouraging people on social media.

I’ve developed some really fun and helpful relationships with girls on Instagram just by following encouraging accounts. 

You can find these types of accounts by searching keywords. After you find one account you like, see who they follow and who follows them for more inspiration.

Quotes About the Importance of Who You Surround Yourself With

“The quality of a person’s life is most often a direct reflection of the expectations of their peer group.” -Tony Robbins

“Do not bring people in your life who weigh you down. And trust your instincts. Good relationships feel good. They feel right. They don’t hurt. They’re not painful. That’s not just with somebody you want to marry, but it’s with the friends that you choose. It’s with the people you surround yourselves with.” -Michelle Obama

“It’s better to hang out with people better than you. Pick out associates whose behavior is better than yours and you’ll drift in that direction.” -Warren Buffett

“Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too can become great.” -Mark Twain

“I think it’s important to get your surroundings as well as yourself into a positive state – meaning surround yourself with positive people, not the kind who are negative and jealous of everything you do.” -Heidi Klum

Let’s Bring it Home

So, yes, surrounding yourself with quality people matters! It’s absolutely true that you are who you surround yourself with. We’ve covered why it’s important to cultivate a circle of quality people around you, how the right people impact you, and reasons why you are who you surround yourself with.

Now you know exactly what kinds of people to surround yourself with, and how to find those people! 

With all of this knowledge, you can make adjustments to your sphere of influence so you can limit negative people and increase positive people.

Related Reading:

How to Change Your Life Completely: 57 Powerful Tips to Inspire You

6 Personal Development Books that will Totally Change You (in a seriously good way!)

How to Be a Good Friend When They’re Hurting: What to Say and How to Act